We can do it.

I’ve mentioned my good friend Erica in a few posts on my other blog, and was honored when she decided to follow this one as a result of my post on Republican senators voting against a bill that would protect soldiers who are raped while on tour.

To me, Erica is the epitome of a modern-day feminist. She is gorgeous, tall, smart and funny, with a huge heart for people she cares about and a ‘fuck you’ attitude to people who doubt her.

I admire her, and I’ve been thinking lately about her brand of feminism…but to make my point, I have to start on a totally separate subject.

For centuries there’s been a race war in the United States. There are people who want race to be an unspoken issue, others who want it to be the focus. Over time, though, I think we’re moving toward having race be nothing more than a physical feature, something as noted or overlooked as my chestnut locks.

Currently, I think women are fighting a similar battle to the one fought by minority groups for generations. Now, women are attempting to shatter the glass ceiling, balance the biological drive to procreate with the desire to be successful, and level the playing field between women and men. In short, be recognized for more than a physical characteristic.

On top of all this, we’re fighting with one another to get to the top.

This morning on Twitter, a woman I follow (@JessicaGottlieb) tweeted:

  

“The greatest act of feminism is to be kind to other women. This isn't a contest.”

She’s absolutely correct. As women, we shouldn’t be competing against each other, we shouldn’t be apologizing for wanting to get to the top, we shouldn’t be conflicted about the way we look and the way we’re perceived (namely hot=dumb, ugly=smart). Women, like any other umbrella group, are multi-faceted, with the physical aspects often taking a backseat to what's unseen...at least, that's the hope. 

By clawing at other women to get a top spot, we’re conceding the battle, we’re sending the message that there’s only room for one woman at the top…everyone else needs to fall in line as subordinates. This isn’t true.

As women, we fight battles that men never will have to (in fairness, so do they. Prostate problems, for instance). But they never have to deal with the public scrutiny of staying home vs. going to work. Tampons vs. pads. Independence vs. dependence in relationships. (this is a jab at a recent date who suggested all women give up work, drive, etc. as soon as the egg is fertilized and rely solely on her husband.)

In reality, we can do it all if that’s what we want to do. There shouldn’t be doubt or question that having it all is possible.

I think most women know this. Our mothers and grandmothers fought for the right to vote, to choose, to marry or not. Now we need to cultivate those rights to build on that foundation. 

In an ideal world, gender would be dually noted and disregarded. Women won’t have to hide femininity in an attempt to be more successful. In an ideal world, women won’t be afraid to play nicely, because it won’t mean giving something up. In an ideal world, we’ll all be a little more like Erica, and believe in the real meaning of “We can do it.”